Comparison and the Lie of Having it All

Being a 27-year-old, married teacher with two very young children has put me in a unique position of being able to relate to many different types of people. I relate to the working parents, to the single millennials, to the wives, to the mom’s of babies, and then there are the people that have none of those things in common with me, but we’re friends anyway. This means that I get to observe and learn about what all these different types of people’s lives look like, which can be awesome! It also comes with this unimaginable pressure, mostly self-imposed pressure, to live as they live or to have what they have. It’s SO easy to compare and to want and to feel like we’re failing at when our lives don’t look as picture-perfect as what is portrayed on Instagram! I know I’m not alone in feeling this.

I have some friends who boast about their spontaneous 2 hour nap on a Saturday. They’re young, unmarried professionals who devote themselves to their friends, their jobs, and their hobbies. And good for them, right? That’s what young, unmarried professionals SHOULD be doing! But I’m not them. I’m lucky if my 3-year-old takes a 2 hour nap on a Saturday, even luckier if the baby joins him for 30 of those minutes so that I can fold laundry/meal plan/watch a show with my husband if he’s home.

Then there are those who have semi-clean houses and museum dates scheduled every other week. They go to the grocery store on Tuesdays mid-morning in order to avoid the weekend crowd. If the weather is nice, they can spontaneously decide to spend the afternoon out at the park. These are the stay-at-home-moms I know. They get to spend so much time with their children and have some slower paced days. It’s amazing! I can only imagine what it’s like having 7 days to get chores done each week instead of cramming them into a 2-day weekend!

I’ve also been privileged to the perspective of the working mom of school-aged kids. They wake up each morning, put on their makeup, pick out an outfit that actually fits because their bodies aren’t constantly changing from pregnancy or postpartum, and drive to a job that they are passionate about and that they feel devoted to. These ladies seriously look the closest to “having it all” from the other side of the glass. Their kids are old enough to not need daycare. They’re far enough into their careers that they feel valuable and knowledgeable in the workplace. I can’t wait until my job seems second nature to me and until I have the time to further devote myself to “extras” and to deeper continuing education.

I’ve come to realize that while I don’t live the lives of the people I’ve described, it doesn’t mean my life is any less than. Am I not content with my lot? And while I can’t have what they have, at least not right now, there are things that I do have as a working, married mom of little ones that I couldn’t imagine giving up. My family is healthy. None of us have any chronic conditions that keep resulting in questions and expensive medical bills. My marriage is strong. (Seriously, that’s a Heaven-sent miracle.) I don’t have to deal with older kid problems, like bullying at school or risky teenage behavior. Not only did I finish college with a major that some would deem challenging, I’m also at a sweet spot in my career where I get to grow as an educator, but don’t have the intense pressure of constantly 1-upping my previous successes. Both of us working means that we have a little bit of extra income left at the end of each month to slowly but surely pay off some student loan debt. I get one hour a day during my planning time at work to be alone. This is HUGE! Ask any mom of toddlers when was the last time she got to go to the bathroom by herself or read something without being interrupted by curious voices. She’ll have to really think about it and I promise you it more than likely wasn’t some time this week!

So no, I don’t have a clean house or a zoo membership for my kids. I don’t get to stay late at work to socialize. I don’t get to take 2 hour naps on weekends or wear clothes that fit 100% (I mean, not unless I constantly buy jeans, but that can get pricey!) But contrary to what we like to believe about others, no one “has it all” and that’s a GOOD thing. If each one of us had it all, then what would we need Jesus for? What good would grace be if there was nothing in our lives that needed it? How would the strength of Jesus be made perfect if we had no areas of weakness in our lives, no shortcomings, or failures? Comparison is a killer, but Jesus is a Savior. We need Him so much more than we need to have what others have and that is what I’m holding onto in this season.

Hugs,
Destiny