Loved

You see that girl up there? I knew her pretty well. She likes to paint her nails in loud colors. Her hobbies include organizing her closet, driving in her sports car and belting to Paramore, and getting piercings. (She has 8!) She's a size 4, goes running from time to time, and gets 8 hours of sleep each night. No exceptions. She's pretty sure of herself and of where she's going and I like her a lot. She doesn't know it yet, but she is deeply, passionately loved by the Ceator of the universe.

There are days in the middle of the chaos where I ask myself what the point is. Why bother cleaning my kitchen? It's just gonna be messy again tomorrow. What's the point in a toy organizer? It's not like my 2 year old would actually put his toys back. And don't me started on folding laundry. These days aren't everyday, but when they happen, it's like a dark cloud that is hard to see through. Sometimes, it's hard to keep putting so much effort into mothering and "house management" when it feels like no one sees you and no one cares either way if you do or not. It's kind of depressing, actually.

So one day, a few weeks ago, I asked God, "What am I doing? What's the point, God? I miss who I used to be. I used to feel like what I did was enough and now I just see these shortcomings. What do I do? Can you help me?"

And like he always does, He found me in that dark cloud and he told me he was pleased. He is pleased with what I am doing in raising my family and I am not alone in it. No matter how isolated and lost and unseen I feel, he refuses to let me be alone, for I am passionately loved by him. And so I continue on. See, God uses parenthood to show us what a love worth dying for feels like. At least, that's what he's used it to show me.

And That's who I am. I am loved by Him. Mom, wife, teacher, disorganized, lacking, confident, unsure. Regardless of my label or accomplishments,  I am loved by Him. And He knows the plans He has for me.

So it doesn't matter if I'm energetic, fresh, pre-baby Destiny with her makeup on or if I'm busy, stretch-marked Destiny wearing a milk-stained t-shirt. He sees me, He knows me, and He loves me anyway. And guess what! He does for you too.

Hugs,

Destiny