Lots of Changes Means Lots and Lots of Jesus
I've decided that keeping a record of this season is worth it. There will probably be a time in my life when I'll need some reminding about just how little I know about my path, about just how Almighty my God is, and about how I really don't need to do anything except surrender and obey.
Last summer, when I was first analyzing and making lists about what I'd need to do in the near future to prepare for a new baby, I was in a complete panic. I had no idea what I was doing (I still have no idea) and I didn't know how we were going to make it, paying for all the things that needed to be paid for, working, moving, and keeping our sanity. I don't think I've ever felt such a lack of control of my own life than in that time.
Lets start at the beginning. Stephen and I got married in November of 2013 and it was a dream. He was in his first year of teaching and I graduated from Baylor a few weeks later, so we were pretty much newbies in the real world. We had plans for an adventure together trying to get settled and figure life out, the way most post-grad, 20-somethings had. Our joyride slammed to a stop on a Friday night at the end of February when we discovered I was pregnant. My immediate thoughts were, "This can't be real. I don't even have health insurance. Plus, we're too young. We're not ready for this kind of responsibility. We're just trying to figure out how to live with two cats! And how are we gonna pay for anything? Who would hire me now that I'm pregnant?"
Since it was a Friday, we had to wait until Monday to get everything confirmed with a doctor, so we spent that weekend getting used to the idea. There were lots of tears and lots of prayers and after a few days, we decided that we were okay. After a few weeks, we were even excited. It was a perfect challenge for me, actually. My new year's resolution was to completely embrace any task that God set before me. I told myself that, for my first year out of college and for my first year as a wife, I was going to say "yes" to anything God told me to do, even if it was something I didn't want. So I put on my big girl pants and dove in.
When we told our friends and family, they responded with wonderful support and excitement. We knew that even though there were so many unknowns, we were bringing our baby into a loving, supportive environment. The next month or two went by pretty normally. Stephen was teaching, I was substitute teaching to keep money coming in, and we were doing okay, aside from the typical pregnancy symptoms. I was pretty sick most nights. I also ate everything and was unbelievably tired all the time, but that only lasted a little while. It wasn't until my hormones really went crazy that I started to become emotional and worried.
There was one evening when I remember feeling so overwhelmed by the lack of control I had over the situation. Everyone goes through a "what am I gonna do with my life" season and it usually involves a career or a relationship or pursuing a passion, etc. My season was a little more complicated. I had a nine-month countdown and the by end, I had to have most major life issues figured out. The facts were that we were living on one income, a teacher's income at that. Stephen and I both drove sports cars, 2 door compacts that would not fit a car seat. We were living in our small starter apartment, which was a great place for a newly-married couple, but there really wasn't space to raise a baby. So we needed a new place to live, and a new car, on top of all the other miscellaneous and expensive things that go with having your first baby. I kept thinking about how awful the timing for this to be happening. We'd be okay if I could work, but finding a teaching job in Waco as a first year teacher is hard enough without having to take maternity leave for all of November and December. How were we ever gonna make it? I've never felt more helpless and more unsure in my entire life, and it wasn't just affecting me anymore. This little person deserved to come into a place that was better than what we were currently able to provide.
Later that week, we were prayed for by a couple at church that have really poured into Stephen and I and our marriage. I was reminded that the difficult situations, the ones where we have absolutely no control and no answers are the ones where we have to completely rely on the plans that God has written for us. They told me that this was a way that He was setting up a situation in our lives for Him to show us how abundant His provision is and all I had to do was stop trying to control everything and trust Him. It was a new thing for me. Having this little control over my life was something that I never experienced. To be honest, it was bringing Stephen and I closer together because we had to constantly remind each other that all of ours needs would be met. We constantly had to seek the Lord to answer our questions. And we had to start learning how to be motherly and fatherly.
Not long after that, Stephen took a school trip with some of his students. The woman driving their bus told him that there was a need for a music teacher at the church Mother's Day Out program that she also happened to be the director of. It was a part-time thing, but it was for preschool aged kids and I could take my baby into their nursery after he was born without charge. It was such an affirmation for me that God really was providing for us. He really was aware of our needs and it was proof that He was gonna take care of us. So I worked there all summer. It wasn't the most high-paying job, but it was the perfect place for a new mother to be, and surely, God would get us through the financial end of things.
I was pretty satisfied with how things were playing out. I had a part-time job and childcare was covered. We would figure out buying a decent used car that I could feel safe driving my child in, and we moved into a larger apartment in a more family-friendly part of town. Our faith had grown, and we knew the Lord was in charge. To my surprise, He wasn't done with me. One Thursday at the beginning of August, I got a call about an interview for a full-time teaching position I'd applied to weeks before. I wasn't even serious about it when I applied because I thought a school wouldn't hire someone pregnant and fresh out of college. Well, I had an interview two hours after that phone call and the following Monday, I was offered the job! I remember sitting on the floor in my living room with my head resting on the coffee table. Was it real? Did we just become financially stable over the course of 4 days? My God was faithful.
Friends, if you are in a situation like I was, I want to encourage you. The Lord knows your struggles. He hears you and He loves you and He will take care of you in ways that you won't even imagine for youself. I thought I wasn't ready to be a mother. I thought it was too soon and that we weren't good enough yet, but the God of Heaven had bigger, better plans for me and for our marriage. I'd like to end with a verse that seemed to describe this time for me. Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
Hugs,
Destiny
Last summer, when I was first analyzing and making lists about what I'd need to do in the near future to prepare for a new baby, I was in a complete panic. I had no idea what I was doing (I still have no idea) and I didn't know how we were going to make it, paying for all the things that needed to be paid for, working, moving, and keeping our sanity. I don't think I've ever felt such a lack of control of my own life than in that time.
Lets start at the beginning. Stephen and I got married in November of 2013 and it was a dream. He was in his first year of teaching and I graduated from Baylor a few weeks later, so we were pretty much newbies in the real world. We had plans for an adventure together trying to get settled and figure life out, the way most post-grad, 20-somethings had. Our joyride slammed to a stop on a Friday night at the end of February when we discovered I was pregnant. My immediate thoughts were, "This can't be real. I don't even have health insurance. Plus, we're too young. We're not ready for this kind of responsibility. We're just trying to figure out how to live with two cats! And how are we gonna pay for anything? Who would hire me now that I'm pregnant?"
Since it was a Friday, we had to wait until Monday to get everything confirmed with a doctor, so we spent that weekend getting used to the idea. There were lots of tears and lots of prayers and after a few days, we decided that we were okay. After a few weeks, we were even excited. It was a perfect challenge for me, actually. My new year's resolution was to completely embrace any task that God set before me. I told myself that, for my first year out of college and for my first year as a wife, I was going to say "yes" to anything God told me to do, even if it was something I didn't want. So I put on my big girl pants and dove in.
When we told our friends and family, they responded with wonderful support and excitement. We knew that even though there were so many unknowns, we were bringing our baby into a loving, supportive environment. The next month or two went by pretty normally. Stephen was teaching, I was substitute teaching to keep money coming in, and we were doing okay, aside from the typical pregnancy symptoms. I was pretty sick most nights. I also ate everything and was unbelievably tired all the time, but that only lasted a little while. It wasn't until my hormones really went crazy that I started to become emotional and worried.
There was one evening when I remember feeling so overwhelmed by the lack of control I had over the situation. Everyone goes through a "what am I gonna do with my life" season and it usually involves a career or a relationship or pursuing a passion, etc. My season was a little more complicated. I had a nine-month countdown and the by end, I had to have most major life issues figured out. The facts were that we were living on one income, a teacher's income at that. Stephen and I both drove sports cars, 2 door compacts that would not fit a car seat. We were living in our small starter apartment, which was a great place for a newly-married couple, but there really wasn't space to raise a baby. So we needed a new place to live, and a new car, on top of all the other miscellaneous and expensive things that go with having your first baby. I kept thinking about how awful the timing for this to be happening. We'd be okay if I could work, but finding a teaching job in Waco as a first year teacher is hard enough without having to take maternity leave for all of November and December. How were we ever gonna make it? I've never felt more helpless and more unsure in my entire life, and it wasn't just affecting me anymore. This little person deserved to come into a place that was better than what we were currently able to provide.
Later that week, we were prayed for by a couple at church that have really poured into Stephen and I and our marriage. I was reminded that the difficult situations, the ones where we have absolutely no control and no answers are the ones where we have to completely rely on the plans that God has written for us. They told me that this was a way that He was setting up a situation in our lives for Him to show us how abundant His provision is and all I had to do was stop trying to control everything and trust Him. It was a new thing for me. Having this little control over my life was something that I never experienced. To be honest, it was bringing Stephen and I closer together because we had to constantly remind each other that all of ours needs would be met. We constantly had to seek the Lord to answer our questions. And we had to start learning how to be motherly and fatherly.
Not long after that, Stephen took a school trip with some of his students. The woman driving their bus told him that there was a need for a music teacher at the church Mother's Day Out program that she also happened to be the director of. It was a part-time thing, but it was for preschool aged kids and I could take my baby into their nursery after he was born without charge. It was such an affirmation for me that God really was providing for us. He really was aware of our needs and it was proof that He was gonna take care of us. So I worked there all summer. It wasn't the most high-paying job, but it was the perfect place for a new mother to be, and surely, God would get us through the financial end of things.
I was pretty satisfied with how things were playing out. I had a part-time job and childcare was covered. We would figure out buying a decent used car that I could feel safe driving my child in, and we moved into a larger apartment in a more family-friendly part of town. Our faith had grown, and we knew the Lord was in charge. To my surprise, He wasn't done with me. One Thursday at the beginning of August, I got a call about an interview for a full-time teaching position I'd applied to weeks before. I wasn't even serious about it when I applied because I thought a school wouldn't hire someone pregnant and fresh out of college. Well, I had an interview two hours after that phone call and the following Monday, I was offered the job! I remember sitting on the floor in my living room with my head resting on the coffee table. Was it real? Did we just become financially stable over the course of 4 days? My God was faithful.
Friends, if you are in a situation like I was, I want to encourage you. The Lord knows your struggles. He hears you and He loves you and He will take care of you in ways that you won't even imagine for youself. I thought I wasn't ready to be a mother. I thought it was too soon and that we weren't good enough yet, but the God of Heaven had bigger, better plans for me and for our marriage. I'd like to end with a verse that seemed to describe this time for me. Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
Hugs,
Destiny
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